Sorry to Disappoint, But This Post Does Not Involve Dead Squirrels
I missed the Part I of the Linda Hirshman (December 2005) controversy completely, probably because the HP had just deployed and I was avoiding the news, which rarely mentions anything positive about Afghanistan. The first inkling I had of Part II of the Linda Hirshman controversy was a little bit that I saw of a morning show where she was recently promoting her new book, based on the article that inspired Part I of the controversy. I quickly flipped away, figuring she was someone like Joel Stein who said he didn’t support the troops in order to bring attention to himself or someone like Ann Coulter who said… or shall I say, will say anything to bring attention to herself. However, this past weekend, I was reading The Washington Post at my parent’s house, and I came across the article entitled “Everyone Hates Linda.” I didn’t notice until I began reading, that it was written by Ms. Hirshman, as a sort of answer to the fallout from part I of the controversy.
As a stay-at-home mom, I can tell you that given all the controversy, I was surprised to find that not much of what she had to say in the article was especially offensive to me. It seemed a little catty and a little snide, but she was obviously wounded or at least wearied by the reaction to her first article. However, what I read made me curious enough to print out the original article to see if I could figure out why everyone was so angry. When I read things that I do not agree with, I generally mutter to myself (in an entirely mentally healthy way) “What a crock,” and continue on. Taking this approach, I was able to find some points in the original article that I agree with, and some things in the article that I take strong issue with, but nothing that would make me screech.
I will provide my opinion of the original article over the next few days for what it’s worth, but this analysis will be about me (me me me me me) and based upon my experience and what I think. I am not claiming that everything here applies to every one who reads it. But first a little bit more about me. I am not what Ms. Hirshman identifies as the “elite” because although I have a college degree and a graduate degree, they are not in law or business but in science, so I never did stand much of a chance at becoming a CEO or partner or university president. I suppose technically, I have given up my career to support my husband’s, but the end of his career is a definite point on the calendar. Also, while he is always willing to be supportive of me, in the end the decisions about how much he travels (and let me tell you, this past business trip has been an enormous pain in the behind), what hours he works and where or when we move is out of his hands. It is hard to negotiate alternative working conditions with the Army.
I went back to work part time after our first daughter was born, because I liked working, not because we needed the money or because I felt I had something to prove. When the Army moved us to Kentucky, I was pregnant with our second daughter and we were under the impression that we would only be there for two years. Seeking out new employment under those circumstances seemed rather silly, so I took some time off to spend with the kiddies. We ended up staying in Kentucky for four years, and from time to time I wished I could go back to work, but the job opportunities in that part of Kentucky were pretty much limited to exotic dancing or check cashing, so I never did rejoin the ranks of the employed. Now with the HP deployed, I have sole responsibility for the kiddies, a situation with the potential to make me a crappy employee, one that would probably add to the stereotype of unreliable mommy workers. In addition, I am not the type who can do a half-assed job. I’d rather delay my return to work until I have the support in place to be a focused successful employee.
I have been out of the workforce for five years, but my return to work is on the horizon - the buddy boy is two years from kindergarten and the HP is less than four years from military retirement. Theoretically, in four years we will have settled into our own house where we want to live, and then we can decide how we can both work and take care of the kiddies. Since the HP has expressed his desire to drive a potato chip truck, I think his hours will be rather flexible and everything will work out. In reality, he may become a teacher (in which case he will fit the crazy marriage material rules that are included in the American Prospect article, but more about that later) which would greatly increase my options in building a career, because his hours would match the kids’ hours (and because he's willing to take care of the kids).
I think that what Ms. Hirshman failed to realize when she wrote her article was not that it would be controversial, but that reasoned discussion, listening, and thoughtful consideration of other people’s opinions are no longer considered virtues in this society. If someone is going to take a sound bite from you, it is going to be out of context and the most inflammatory thing he/she can find. In a few of the comments and quotes I have seen from her, she seems to have taken a stab at following the new American rule of discourse: “I’m louder and ruder than you so I’m right.” She isn’t very good at it, so I will surmise that maybe she isn’t usually like that, maybe she’s just a regular human who is smarting from personal attacks that are unrelated to her article and/or based upon an incomplete review of it. I could be wrong, she could be a stone-cold bitch who will someday stumble across this post and scream "I don't need any sympathy or understanding from you, you pathetic stay-at-home loser!!" But for now I will grant her the benefit of the doubt and attempt to discuss her points without attacking her personally. I can’t promise that this enterprise will be interesting to anyone, but somehow I think it may be therapeutic for me.
(Okay, one squirrel update: two squirrels were running around the yard today knocking the flowers from one of my day lilies and digging in my petunia pots which have been planted for so long, that only a mentally deficient squirrel (and really aren’t they all) would bother thinking something was buried in there. In a barely contained seething rage I grabbed the Tabasco and sprinkled it all over the pots and the day lilies. Tomorrow all of the plants may be dead, but so far the squirrel activity in the yard has disappeared.)
As a stay-at-home mom, I can tell you that given all the controversy, I was surprised to find that not much of what she had to say in the article was especially offensive to me. It seemed a little catty and a little snide, but she was obviously wounded or at least wearied by the reaction to her first article. However, what I read made me curious enough to print out the original article to see if I could figure out why everyone was so angry. When I read things that I do not agree with, I generally mutter to myself (in an entirely mentally healthy way) “What a crock,” and continue on. Taking this approach, I was able to find some points in the original article that I agree with, and some things in the article that I take strong issue with, but nothing that would make me screech.
I will provide my opinion of the original article over the next few days for what it’s worth, but this analysis will be about me (me me me me me) and based upon my experience and what I think. I am not claiming that everything here applies to every one who reads it. But first a little bit more about me. I am not what Ms. Hirshman identifies as the “elite” because although I have a college degree and a graduate degree, they are not in law or business but in science, so I never did stand much of a chance at becoming a CEO or partner or university president. I suppose technically, I have given up my career to support my husband’s, but the end of his career is a definite point on the calendar. Also, while he is always willing to be supportive of me, in the end the decisions about how much he travels (and let me tell you, this past business trip has been an enormous pain in the behind), what hours he works and where or when we move is out of his hands. It is hard to negotiate alternative working conditions with the Army.
I went back to work part time after our first daughter was born, because I liked working, not because we needed the money or because I felt I had something to prove. When the Army moved us to Kentucky, I was pregnant with our second daughter and we were under the impression that we would only be there for two years. Seeking out new employment under those circumstances seemed rather silly, so I took some time off to spend with the kiddies. We ended up staying in Kentucky for four years, and from time to time I wished I could go back to work, but the job opportunities in that part of Kentucky were pretty much limited to exotic dancing or check cashing, so I never did rejoin the ranks of the employed. Now with the HP deployed, I have sole responsibility for the kiddies, a situation with the potential to make me a crappy employee, one that would probably add to the stereotype of unreliable mommy workers. In addition, I am not the type who can do a half-assed job. I’d rather delay my return to work until I have the support in place to be a focused successful employee.
I have been out of the workforce for five years, but my return to work is on the horizon - the buddy boy is two years from kindergarten and the HP is less than four years from military retirement. Theoretically, in four years we will have settled into our own house where we want to live, and then we can decide how we can both work and take care of the kiddies. Since the HP has expressed his desire to drive a potato chip truck, I think his hours will be rather flexible and everything will work out. In reality, he may become a teacher (in which case he will fit the crazy marriage material rules that are included in the American Prospect article, but more about that later) which would greatly increase my options in building a career, because his hours would match the kids’ hours (and because he's willing to take care of the kids).
I think that what Ms. Hirshman failed to realize when she wrote her article was not that it would be controversial, but that reasoned discussion, listening, and thoughtful consideration of other people’s opinions are no longer considered virtues in this society. If someone is going to take a sound bite from you, it is going to be out of context and the most inflammatory thing he/she can find. In a few of the comments and quotes I have seen from her, she seems to have taken a stab at following the new American rule of discourse: “I’m louder and ruder than you so I’m right.” She isn’t very good at it, so I will surmise that maybe she isn’t usually like that, maybe she’s just a regular human who is smarting from personal attacks that are unrelated to her article and/or based upon an incomplete review of it. I could be wrong, she could be a stone-cold bitch who will someday stumble across this post and scream "I don't need any sympathy or understanding from you, you pathetic stay-at-home loser!!" But for now I will grant her the benefit of the doubt and attempt to discuss her points without attacking her personally. I can’t promise that this enterprise will be interesting to anyone, but somehow I think it may be therapeutic for me.
(Okay, one squirrel update: two squirrels were running around the yard today knocking the flowers from one of my day lilies and digging in my petunia pots which have been planted for so long, that only a mentally deficient squirrel (and really aren’t they all) would bother thinking something was buried in there. In a barely contained seething rage I grabbed the Tabasco and sprinkled it all over the pots and the day lilies. Tomorrow all of the plants may be dead, but so far the squirrel activity in the yard has disappeared.)
posted by Shannon at 10:38 PM
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